[cass can't help it, she giggles at that. EVERYBODY'S GROUNDED WHETHER BARBARA CAN GROUND THEM OR NOT]
I'll... make sure he knows. [after a beat, and drawing in a breath, she goes on.]
Just... sorry. For all of it. I didn't--I wasn't... myself, last week. But she--I-- [she sighs.] When we talked, that was... me. Mostly. Not what Woden did. [yes, she was compromised. yes, shiva's priorities were different from cassandra's, and part of her behavior had been an effort to cover over the change. but she had been on the level with her, up to a certain point.]
[If only she got that superpower instead of useless visions. GROUNDING EVERYONE.
She laughs too, a little, before sobering as she nods.]
I figured. It seemed like you, for the most part. [Looking back, she can see what she missed, which means she can tell what was sincere.] As for everything else...
I get it. I really do. ...You remember, when we met on the Aerie 2 - I told you I'd been sick?
I needed surgery to remove a cybernetic mass, left over after Brainiac tried to possess me. [Her tone is matter-of-fact, almost impassive, because that part isn't really the point.
Her voice tightens as she continues.]
He'd already infected another man's mind through cyberspace, but he liked mine better. I'd sent Dinah away - you remember those kids, right, dressed like superheroes? You helped her save one of them.
[she bites her lip, listening, before nodding. cass doesn't like any of what she's hearing in that first part, but barbara's headed somewhere with this.]
I remember Canary--there's, uh, another one here, too. But why'd you...
[She musters a smile as she looks up, achingly wistful.] She still didn't leave. She stayed there, bloody and bruised, trying to remind me who I was. And when I came back to myself, I was in her arms.
I'd have said that I didn't deserve it. But she didn't give a damn.
[Her head dips again, for a moment, before she pushes the guilt and uncertainty aside.] I don't ever want you to feel like you need to run away from me.
[this hits too close to home. way, way too close to home. and barbara isn't lying, either--she's been in cass's position, more or less. cass is quiet for a long moment, hair falling over her eyes a little as she looks down. she feels the ache of tears threatening to come, but she blinks it back, taking in a deep breath.]
Okay. Sorry, I--should've said something. Didn't mean to worry you. Especially not after... [ugh. ugh ugh ugh. she should've known better. this is so unconditional from barbara, she almost forgot what that felt like. there was a tension, a fear that lived under most of her interactions with bruce, that all of this could disappear at any moment. not because of anything he had done or said, just--how he was. and the disconnect between the man she remembered, and the one who was here.
with barbara? it was something else. she had always been more willing to understand her as a whole, not just the cassandra that she had built up in her head.]
Keep that in mind, okay? For...next time. [She could say she hopes there isn't a next time, a time when Cass feels so wretched that she wants to run away from everything, but that's a little too optimistic. This is just what their lives are, wherever they happen to be.
She'll always be here, no matter what. (Unless she disappears. She's not dwelling on that possibility.)]
...How bad did it get? [How much did she hurt people. Is there a way Barbara can help her deal with it.]
[Barbara just. Stares, for a moment.] The whole time? They were just - ?
[She grimaces, shaking her head. This is why she misses her cameras.] I assume they broke out? ...How could you make the flooding worse? [She's only got a vague idea about how it all worked.]
Ah. [Her brow furrows, then, fingers tapping at her side.] Do you...want to know the extent of the damage? I could probably figure it out. [Not the way she could back home, of course, but she's still a detective.]
I, uh--Laura, Persephone, she stopped me. After she broke out. Wasn't much, compared to... [everything that was already happening. ugh.] But I still tried.
Probably needs one. [she doesn't know how laura is doing, really. but she knows that by default laura's usually about as messed up as she is. more so in a lot of ways, even.]
I... yeah. [she nods.] Can't help feeling like... [she looks up, lips pressed into a line, like she's trying to figure out how to phrase this. part of it is definitely cass's usual problem--absolute master of guilt. if she fails to act or doesn't save the day, she sees herself almost as being complicit, though it's worse than that this time. her diction is still sort of slow, stumbling, as clipped as ever. but there's not a terse way to express this, at least not one she can figure out right now.] So many people. So much damage. And Shiva... could have done so much. Stopped it all. But she thought it was good. She... saw a chance for change. Rebirth. Building something new. Like--
[she's... compartmentalizing shiva from herself because those thought processes were so alien to her own, like something that had been overlaid on top of who she was. but it's a line of logic, a twisted form of morality she's familiar with, though she's had difficulty placing the source. mostly because she's tried not to dwell on how her goddess self had thought. finally, though, it clicks.]
[Barbara waits patiently; if it's hard for her to find the right words for all this, it must be excruciating for Cass.
Her eyes widen when Cass says Nyssa's name, but then she nods.] Burn it all down and make something better.
[She smiles, a little, tense and grim.] That's why the whole Crisis happened, really. [Her voice lowers, a little, turning harshly judgemental.] People like that don't want to put in the hard work of changing what's already there. They value their own vision over the lives it will take, over the good anyone else has done.
[She's assuming it goes together that way - Shiva was working with the League, after all - but she doesn't want to probe, not after how distraught Cass was last time.
Answering questions is easier, if not simpler.] Basically. From what I've been able to figure out - at some point, the multiverse collapsed into one reality. But it left some survivors behind. The four of them lived in a sort of pocket dimension for God knows how long.
Clark and Lois... [There's no viciousness here; she just looks sad.] They grew old together, in their world. But in that little slice of paradise, she was dying.
[Then her lips curl as her tone turns venomous.] That gave Alexander Luthor plenty of time to work. It was him leading the Society, all that time.
[nyssa wore a weird outfit cut down past her belly button showing off a ton of tiddy and tried to win cass over to her side it was weird babs. better not to know]
Luthor? [no, not lex, not the ex-president. she would've said lex if she meant lex. but.]
[For once in her entire goddamn life Barbara is fine without knowing the details here. Why are you seducing her daughter to the dark side, Nyssa, stop it]
There's another universe where most of the heroes we know are villains, and Lex Luthor was one of the lone heroes in opposition. [She can't help but say it with dark amusement.] He and Lois had a baby before their Earth was destroyed, and managed to send him to another universe.
It gave him the powers we needed to save at least one universe, and also aged him into a young adult in a few days. Then it was all over, and he was alone with three strangers. [She understands how he turned into the person he did, but any impulse for sympathy is smothered under the weight of his actions.]
He used the Society to weaken us. Bludhaven was the highest body count, but they orchestrated a worldwide prison break, too; J'onn and I barely scrambled enough heroes together. Then, after his plans failed -
[In the scheme of things, it's so small. But her fists clench and her gaze darkens, all the same.] He's the one who almost killed Dick.
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I'll... make sure he knows. [after a beat, and drawing in a breath, she goes on.]
Just... sorry. For all of it. I didn't--I wasn't... myself, last week. But she--I-- [she sighs.] When we talked, that was... me. Mostly. Not what Woden did. [yes, she was compromised. yes, shiva's priorities were different from cassandra's, and part of her behavior had been an effort to cover over the change. but she had been on the level with her, up to a certain point.]
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She laughs too, a little, before sobering as she nods.]
I figured. It seemed like you, for the most part. [Looking back, she can see what she missed, which means she can tell what was sincere.] As for everything else...
I get it. I really do. ...You remember, when we met on the Aerie 2 - I told you I'd been sick?
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Her voice tightens as she continues.]
He'd already infected another man's mind through cyberspace, but he liked mine better. I'd sent Dinah away - you remember those kids, right, dressed like superheroes? You helped her save one of them.
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I remember Canary--there's, uh, another one here, too. But why'd you...
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No. Focus. They can come back to that. Barbara shakes her head and takes a breath.]
She didn't want to leave me, but I knew she'd do it to save those kids. I was afraid that I'd hurt her. And when she came back...
[Her gaze drops, and her fingers curl in her lap as she remembers.] I almost killed her, Cass.
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oh. understanding dawns. she doesn't say anything at first, just looks at her over the video call.]
I... you're... [she shouldn't have run. she needed the time away, sure, but she should have at least--]
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I'd have said that I didn't deserve it. But she didn't give a damn.
[Her head dips again, for a moment, before she pushes the guilt and uncertainty aside.] I don't ever want you to feel like you need to run away from me.
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Okay. Sorry, I--should've said something. Didn't mean to worry you. Especially not after... [ugh. ugh ugh ugh. she should've known better. this is so unconditional from barbara, she almost forgot what that felt like. there was a tension, a fear that lived under most of her interactions with bruce, that all of this could disappear at any moment. not because of anything he had done or said, just--how he was. and the disconnect between the man she remembered, and the one who was here.
with barbara? it was something else. she had always been more willing to understand her as a whole, not just the cassandra that she had built up in her head.]
Hurt other people, too. Not just you.
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She'll always be here, no matter what. (Unless she disappears. She's not dwelling on that possibility.)]
...How bad did it get? [How much did she hurt people. Is there a way Barbara can help her deal with it.]
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My friend, and her girlfriend. They were... locked in the basement. While we talked. [deep breath.]
Tried to make the flooding worse.
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[She grimaces, shaking her head. This is why she misses her cameras.] I assume they broke out? ...How could you make the flooding worse? [She's only got a vague idea about how it all worked.]
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I made a storm.
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I, uh--Laura, Persephone, she stopped me. After she broke out. Wasn't much, compared to... [everything that was already happening. ugh.] But I still tried.
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Then, quietly - ] But you can't stop thinking about would have happened otherwise.
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I... yeah. [she nods.] Can't help feeling like... [she looks up, lips pressed into a line, like she's trying to figure out how to phrase this. part of it is definitely cass's usual problem--absolute master of guilt. if she fails to act or doesn't save the day, she sees herself almost as being complicit, though it's worse than that this time. her diction is still sort of slow, stumbling, as clipped as ever. but there's not a terse way to express this, at least not one she can figure out right now.] So many people. So much damage. And Shiva... could have done so much. Stopped it all. But she thought it was good. She... saw a chance for change. Rebirth. Building something new. Like--
[she's... compartmentalizing shiva from herself because those thought processes were so alien to her own, like something that had been overlaid on top of who she was. but it's a line of logic, a twisted form of morality she's familiar with, though she's had difficulty placing the source. mostly because she's tried not to dwell on how her goddess self had thought. finally, though, it clicks.]
She thought like Nyssa.
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Her eyes widen when Cass says Nyssa's name, but then she nods.] Burn it all down and make something better.
[She smiles, a little, tense and grim.] That's why the whole Crisis happened, really. [Her voice lowers, a little, turning harshly judgemental.] People like that don't want to put in the hard work of changing what's already there. They value their own vision over the lives it will take, over the good anyone else has done.
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I heard some of it. Someone... bringing back the multiverse?
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Answering questions is easier, if not simpler.] Basically. From what I've been able to figure out - at some point, the multiverse collapsed into one reality. But it left some survivors behind. The four of them lived in a sort of pocket dimension for God knows how long.
Clark and Lois... [There's no viciousness here; she just looks sad.] They grew old together, in their world. But in that little slice of paradise, she was dying.
[Then her lips curl as her tone turns venomous.] That gave Alexander Luthor plenty of time to work. It was him leading the Society, all that time.
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Luthor? [no, not lex, not the ex-president. she would've said lex if she meant lex. but.]
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There's another universe where most of the heroes we know are villains, and Lex Luthor was one of the lone heroes in opposition. [She can't help but say it with dark amusement.] He and Lois had a baby before their Earth was destroyed, and managed to send him to another universe.
It gave him the powers we needed to save at least one universe, and also aged him into a young adult in a few days. Then it was all over, and he was alone with three strangers. [She understands how he turned into the person he did, but any impulse for sympathy is smothered under the weight of his actions.]
He used the Society to weaken us. Bludhaven was the highest body count, but they orchestrated a worldwide prison break, too; J'onn and I barely scrambled enough heroes together. Then, after his plans failed -
[In the scheme of things, it's so small. But her fists clench and her gaze darkens, all the same.] He's the one who almost killed Dick.
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Cat cafe, after I land. You and me.
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So, um--settling in okay?
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